Song #89. A Tout Jamais (Pour Eva)

A Tout Jamais (Pour Eva)

Is this for Eva,
This world that is all that it is?
Whatever it is, or was, the world never bothered with me.
And our mad conjurer Wittgenstein strolls out onto the sea,
With a small map of Europe tucked under his arm
Which he unfolds to be
Vast and unwanted new territory.
If you really can’t say,  try saying nothing*
For Eva

Again I have chosen to say nothing

For Eva

And for Eva,
I shall hide on my side of all our unknowns.
I am adrift.  I’m subdititious**. I have lost my home.
So I’ll winter in the branches of an old dead tree.
From these woods open my arms and try cling to the breeze
Blowing through all those moments which could never be requited
For Eva

Sometimes some things cannot be
For Eva

And Eva
When you unsubmerge you’ll no doubt be found
‘Neath that hat. The black-hearted poppy periscopes over its crown.
At the horizon, hope’s vanishing point,
In a green Flanders’ field,
I sit nearby where the world came to die.  The poppies here are real
And I break bread with the crosses and stones
Which stand row upon row upon row as no doubt they know
Every one that once was, was once the case.
Every one that once was, was once the case.
For every one the world lost here the world made its case
In a novena for all those the world misunderstood, or chose not to know,
And all the others the world has merely forgotten

The ninth day’s prayers are always held safe
For Eva

- For Eva Ave, November 2008

*My paraphrase of "Wovon man nicht sprechenkann, darüber muß man schweigen" ("Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent"), the final line in Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus

** Subdititious is an old word, often excluded from the dictionary, perhaps even your dictionary.  In case you are wondering I am using the second definition, that is, a surreptitious substitution.

subdititious 1. Placed underneath; used as a suppository. 2. Surreptitiously or fraudulently substituted, suppositious. Put secretly in the place of something else; foisted in

These comments were made on January 7th and 8th, 2017.

I’m not sure about this song really.  The title is a French pun; “Forever and ever for Eva”. Why a French pun, and not German or Flemish one? Answer:  my severe limitations in those languages, and that those countries are renowned for their genuinely poor sense of humor.

I’m not sure how Wittgenstein and WWI got into this one, not to mention Alfred Korzybski, and Gregory Bateson, but somehow they did. Alan Bennett is there too.  And Brel, of course. 

I blame Bennett primarily, and his play “The History Boys”, for the recrudescence of my interest in Wittgenstein.

Tell the truth, I am vastly ignorant about philosophy, and its major ideas, and its method.  When I have tried to talk about philosophy with more learned men than myself, my short comings are readily apparent.  Most of what I do know about philosophy comes from a “Beyond The Fringe” sketch.  There is an even funnier version of this one featuring with John Cleese.  Or perhaps you prefer The Bruces?

However, in fact, Wittgenstein and WWI seem to have direct connections somewhere in my mind as regards some of own basic tenets. First, that in general we do not know what the hell we are talking about, do we (?), at least with any precision, and really shouldn’t we all just shut up (Wittgenstein)?  Second, we like to get around this basic problem by rallying to consensus around very compelling but nonetheless really very bad ideas (WWI).

I do have a basic philosophy in fact.   I wrote about it here. 

“There was one thing the last decade [the 2000’s] taught me. I think it is a variation on the ideas of Karl Popper and Wittgenstein, but it may be a poor meritage made out of their sounder ideas. I am not sure. It remains that there is only one certain fact that all human beings from the beginning of times through our last decade and for humanity's remaining years will have in common. That fact is that some portion of what any individual knows to be absolutely true is not true. Its corollary is that most of the sorrow in the world that man creates for himself and for others stems largely from the heterogeneity of views regarding that fact.”

“So who the hell is Eva?”, I hear you screaming.  Eva Ave is a breathtakingly extraordinary person and artist I had the good fortune to know for a short time while I lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  I happened to be there in order to be tortured by the local university.

I dug Eva’s hat and she dug mine.  I believe we may have even exchanged hats briefly.

There are many things I could tell you about Eva.  Amsterdam, Portugal, St. Petersburg (FLA)…all places she has hailed from.  She’d a bad habit of not wearing proper shoes, or any shoes at all really. As a result, she nearly lost her leg to a snake bite in Spain, among other misadventures - a metaphor perhaps for her once sleeping regularly with a lawyer. 

I do hope to record a better version of this song for my 2017 release. Here’s an older DEMO version.

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Song #101, A Short One On Life

A Short One On Life      
–for KR, Tom Skinner, Skyline Radio, and Tulsa

She walked in.
She looked around.
She picked me out and she spun me ‘round
And said, “Kiss me now boy, but don’t ever
     take your eyes off me.”

To this day, I ain’t sure if this story’s even true.
Tell me, does this kind of shit ever happen to you?
‘Cause it ain’t never happened to me before
     in my whole goddamn life 

And maybe, well maybe, she was just real drunk.
I couldn’t tell you.
Me? I’d rather take what comes
Then try to tell a river which way to run.
‘Cause there is only one fact
     that I’ve hewn hard from my long life,
And that’s that life, well it ain’t that long.

If she had a nickel,
Or so I was told,
For every one night wonder with a heart of gold
And a name for his cock that no thinking person
     would ever even name a dog,

Then she might have had time for nicer finer things.
She might’ve even stayed home past age 13,
When with her father’s long coat and his cigarettes,
     she hopped a freight train for Tennessee

And maybe, just maybe, she’s just crazy.
And sometimes, she’s just hurt.
But who needs a stranger’s tears.
A stranger’s more use for vodka and beers.
And you will never make me believe that it’s a sin
     to want a warmer place to sleep,
Even if just like life, he ain’t that long.

Well, there's some folks got names for women like her,
And she knows the places those kind of folks can go.
The small minded kind who like to pass judgement,
Well they can all just kiss her ass, then kiss the ass
     of the woman who should have been president.

There ought to be a law against stupid.

We stayed a couple
For a couple go ‘rounds,
As if two losts could ever make a found.
We were off and on and in and out for two years
     that I will never see again.

Well, I could complain out loud how my life unwound,
But that’s just the way that some lives are bound,
And although you know you can’t step
     into the same river twice,
Don’t mean you’re ever gonna quit tryin’.

And maybe, well maybe, life’s meant to be crazy,
Sad and strange,
Messed up and poorly planned,
And the only one you’re ever gonna have.
But sometimes, well sometimes, I get a little lucky,
     and something comes along,
Like a short song about life, how life ain’t that long

Like a short one on life, how life ain’t that long
- July 2016

These comments were made on1/7/17. 
     In comments I made a couple years ago on another of my songs ( "Can't See Me In This Light"), I drew the conclusion that "requited love is of less and less utility to me or to anyone else".  I would note here that the unrequited kind however remains very frequently felt, and is oft quite necessary. 

"See it as an inoculation, rather. Briefly painful, but providing immunity for however long it takes. Given the occasional booster, another face, another reminder of the pain, it can last you... half a lifetime."

- from Alan Bennett's The History Boys

Still, I think there is a good deal of truth in this "short one on life". The events and descriptions made reference to in this song DID all happened to women I have known, although not all to the same woman. And some of these things did happen to me as well.

What they hell do I know? I miss Tom, and KR, and Tulsa whenever I am away. And Skyline Radio is a great song.
'
And life is way too fucking short.

Eventually this song will be on my new album, probably later this year. Tentative title at this point is "Life' Ain't That Long". Or maybe "Common Sense Is For Pussies."

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