Saturday, March 10, 2012

Song #99. What Is It That You Want? (for Diane Izzo and Marco Zas)



What is it that you want
This time?
Can you put it into words?
Would you know it if it bit you?
Can you wrap your fingers ‘round
Those dreams put there to kill you?
Tomorrow’s lying face down in the road
Congratulations!
You’re our one millionth new Tom Joad.
If you doubt what’s just been said
This is a wake-up call
But are you already dead?
Listen up Brothers and Sisters
What is it that you want?

What is it that you want?
Yeah I’m talking to you.
Face facts
You better fucking think this through.
But you don’t know what you want, do you?
Here’s a mirror.  Tell the truth.
You laugh. You smile. But you’re a liar
Blowing smoke but without the fire
You say you can live without desire?
Can you name someone else who would even want to?
Can I get a witness brothers and sisters?
What is it that you what?

Is it a brand new car?
A brand new wife?
A good night’s sleep?
A decent life?
To die in your sleep
Your loved one’s near
Your soul to keep?
Just one more year?
Do you want to sing to hear to see
To walk to talk to breathe
To know deep in your soul
You were once worth something to someone
That you ain’t yet died inside
That your ship ain't sailed its last time
And to know when it all finally slips away
That your life was one hell of a stay
Testify Brothers and Sisters
What is it that you what?
 -July 2011

The notes were made on 3/4/2012: Diane Izzo and Marco Zas, pictured above, are friends of mine. Diane, a brillinat singer-singwriter and performer, lost her battle to a brain tumor in 2011, way too fucking early in her life.  Marco, Diane’s lover, has renal failure, and has had troubles with transplants and complication of renal disease.  I spoke with them a lot during some of their trials.  Despite of being their friend, and a physician, I felt I did almost nothing to help them through all this.  I certainly wanted to do more, should have done more.

Many years ago, I had lost a friend, a former girlfriend, Pat Irving, to a brain tumor, when Pat was 20 and I was 22. Pat ws the basis of an earlier song of mine called “Waltz with Me Jenny (there's a old video of this is linked here)” I had kept that experience of Pat from Marco and Diane, as Pat had died, and I wanted to be hopeful for them.  I remember Marco talking to me after Diane’s tumor was diagnosed as having recurred, and that they were trying to make plans for “just one more year”, a year they were cheated of.  When he told me I thought of Pat, her recurrence, how scared she was when that happened and of course her eventual demise.  The notion of “just one more year” hit me hard, especially since I was, and still am, wondering what the hell it is I want out of life, what the hell is important, my current sense of depressions and resignation and hopelessness, and what if anything am I gonna do about it anyway.  I miss Diane. Everyone who knew Diane misses her. I hope Marco is doing okay. 

This is a piano song, and with the help of a tight band and some horns, can take off for sure.  There is a video of this from The Gallery's Singer-Songwriters night at 13:08 into the video.

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